


Deep Beneath the Ground

by cptnwintersoldier



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alcohol, Anxiety, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Nightmares, star-spangled vanilla ice wing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-07 10:38:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6800380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cptnwintersoldier/pseuds/cptnwintersoldier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky Barnes is still recovering and sees nightmares about his past life as the Winter Soldier. Sam Wilson is the one to help him with it, but after all nothing is quite as comforting as Steve Rogers.</p>
<p>(dedicated to the amazing <a href="http://wandamximoff.tumblr.com">wandamximoff</a> on tumblr!!!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deep Beneath the Ground

**Author's Note:**

> the train of feels is ready to start. next stop: SOME DAMN BUCKY BARNES FEELS OMG™

Bucky woke up from another nightmare again, feeling devastated. He was broken about it. The nightmares had comen back, and the amount of them had increased. 

The clock on the wall showed 1.56AM. They really messed him up.

For the past month all three, Sam, Steve, and Bucky had been sleeping all in their own beds. The nightmares were too much for Bucky to handle and he needed his own space. 

But truth to be told, on moments like these, he really needed comfortness and closeness.

Bucky rubbed his eyes and stood up from his bed. Sam's room was next to his and he was the only one Bucky felt comfortable talking to. 

Steve did get him, Steve knew how Bucky felt. At least on some level. But he overreacted. Steve concentrated on telling Bucky how important he was, how much he meant to him and Sam. He didn't pay attention to the problem itself, and that was what Bucky wanted. For someone to pay attention to _the problem_.

Now Sam on the other hand did all Steve did and more. He lead a support group for veterans with pstd and his knowledge on the subject was better than Steve's.

Bucky knocked Sam's door quiet enough so he wouldn't wake Steve up. His new arm felt weird and he hadn't really gotten it under control yet. It was lighter and much more, comfortable? If an arm like that can be comfortable. Compared to his old arm it was like a dream. But it felt too different. He didn't know what to do with it.

Bucky heard footsteps behind the door.

Sam opened his door, looking scruffy and sleepy. He smiled when he saw Bucky. 

"Good...evening? Night?" Sam muttered with a sleepy smile.

"I guess it's night", Bucky whispered as a reply. "I had a nightmare again. The one where I kill that woman." Bucky's eyes started watering as he thought about it.

"Hey it's okay. Come in", Sam uttered with a concerned look on his face.

Bucky wiped his eyes. He still saw the image of the dream clearly in his head. He heard the screams, saw the face of the victim. And worst of all, he could seem himself commiting that cruel act.

"I'm sorry I just can't", Bucky cried out as he broke down. Sam kneeled besides him and rubbed small circles on his back.

"Hey everything is okay now. No one is in danger. You are here, you are Bucky. James Buchanan Barnes." Sam's voice was determined.

"I know that. And that makes it even worse. What it truly is me who is responsible for all those deaths?" 

Sam sighed deeply. 

"It wasn't your mind that commited all that. Bucky wasn't present. It was someone else who was in charge of your body. You can't blame yourself. You are a victim", Sam tried to explain.

"That's what T'challa and Steve try to tell me too", Bucky sobbed.

Sam pressed a gentle kiss on Bucky's forehead. Hi took Bucky into his arms and rocked back and forth. 

"We all say so. Because we want to be sure you know the _truth _. It doesn't matter what anyone says or blames you for. They are lying. You did nothing wrong. Bucky did nothing wrong."__

__Bucky knew damn well the truth. He had heard it millions of times. But it was hard to believe. Remembering all he had ever done made it hard._ _

__"When you were on your missions, did you ever feel like you did something wrong?" Bucky questioned Sam._ _

__Sam's eyes were empty for a while. Of course he did. He still does whenever he's _'avenging shit'_ , as the others like to call it. But he has to do it. And he is good at it._ _

__"Yeah. I did. But you know what, I remind myself everyday that it was something I couldn't really choose. And if the things I've done and do are something I can't choose, then how could've you chosen the path your life took? That would be impossible", Sam assured._ _

__There was something like a smile on Bucky's lips._ _

__"And I know those nightmares and horrible thoughts might not leave you alone. But you can learn to live with them. As cliche and stupid this sounds." Sam stroke Bucky's face, continuing to his neck and chest._ _

__"I'm here for you. Remember it", he whispered to Bucky's ear._ _

__"Yeah", Bucky replied. He turned around to give Sam a kiss. Sam sticked his hands in Bucky's hair and answered to his kiss._ _

__"Just go to sleep? Okay?" Sam almost demanded._ _

__"Okay." Bucky left Sam's room, still crying._ _

__As Sam heard that Bucky closed his door, he sneaked out to the kitchen. Steve was sitting there, tears falling down his face. He had a bottle of wine next to him on the table._ _

__"In 1945, when Bucky had, oh my god, when he had, fallen of the train, I was sitting at this bar. Couple of days before that the bar had been bombed to ruins. But it was the last place I felt Bucky's presence as strong as in Brooklyn. He had changed. Zola." Steve forced a little smile on his face. "This is kind of like it", he laughed._ _

__"Steve stop it. No one's falling off from trains or anything. We are all here, under the same roof and safe." Sam tried to get it to Steve's head._ _

__"No we're not. Bucky's not safe. I heard your conversation. It brought back flashbacks. When I was 17", Steve sneered._ _

__"I'm all ears!" Sam smiled, trying to lift Steve's mood._ _

__"You know how I used to get in trouble?" Steve checked. Sam nodded._ _

__"After this one time, it was fucking bad, after it I had some awful dreams. I was horrified to walk on that ally. And Bucky promised me he would help me through it. He said he's ready to listen to me, because he's not scared of anything. I was so proud of him. And now everything makes him scared. I'm the one who's supposed to be brave", Steve told. He's words started stumbling as he was sobbing._ _

__"No one needs to be brave. You know that?" Sam took Steve's hand, and rubbed the back of it with his thumb._ _

__"Remember when I said that Bucky needs to be stopped? That he's not the kind you save?" Sam couldn't even finish his story before Steve interrupted it._ _

__"You were wrong", he said._ _

__"I know", Sam agreed. "He needs help you know that?"_ _

__Steve stared blankly at the kitchen wall. He shook his head as an agreement._ _

__"Good", Sam spoke. "I'm going back to sleep", he huffed._ _

__"I'll be awake for yet another while. In case Bucky wakes up again", Steve mumbled._ _

__"Okay. Good night Steve", Sam whispered from his door._ _

__Steve smiled._ _

__He sat there, going through all the things he could remember from his childhood. Some of them were as clear as crystal for him, some of the memories felt more distant, and neede some time before he could remember them as a whole entirety._ _

__Steve heard the creak of a door._ _

__"Oh Sam you started missing me", he laughed playfully._ _

__"No it's me, Buck", he heard Bucky's voice behind him._ _

__"Oh Bucky! Couldn't you sleep?" Steve turned around on his chair and looked straight into Bucky's eyes._ _

__"No. Not without you", Bucky replied. His face was red from crying._ _

__"Hey it's okay. Want me to come to yoir bed?" Steve asked and stood up from the chair._ _

__"If that's okay." Bucky stretched his hand so Steve could grab it._ _

__"It's more than okay", Steve said with a smile on his face. The same smile he had given Bucky, and only Bucky, for the past 90 years._ _

__They lay down on Bucky's bed, Steve holding Bucky as tight as possible and giving small kisses to Bucky's neck._ _

__They were both silent for a while. Just enjoying each other's presence so close._ _

__Steve played with Bucky's hair to relax him. It was something that had always made him feel calm._ _

__"You still remembered I like when you play with my hair?" Bucky whispered._ _

__"I remember everything", Steve replied._ _

__"Me too. Nowadays. It's nice", Bucky giggled._ _

__"Buck we need to sleep", Steve requested half asleep._ _

__"Agreed. I guess I'm going to be free from nightmares now that someone is next to me. Promise me you'll never let me go?"_ _

__Steve's breath felt warm and comforting. Bucky kissed Steve's hand._ _

__"Okay good night then Stevie", he whispered._ _

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to leave me any kind of feedback!!
> 
> follow me on [tumblr](http://wilsons.co.vu)


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